Kerry

Remember those days?

The days of make believe

tadpole fishing,

tree climbing,

wrestling,

those carefree, ignorantly blissful days.

Then that painful day when I left.

the lack of money pulling me away.

Years pass

I return,

changed

I’m better, more aware, not so foolish

My car steers it’s own way back to that old neighborhood

The knock on your door was all too familiar

A familiar face answers, your mother, still as beautiful as I remember her

We sit down

talk

Then i hear what she had been struggling to tell me

your friend of 10 years

“Kerry has leukemia.”

my heart stops

short of breath

This cant be happening

The girl who ran and played with me was now infected

we were invincible

with all our powers and magical ways

Diseases couldn’t touch us

then reality set in

we weren’t 8 anymore

this was real

life.

I choke back tears as she explains,

“All her friends left, they didn’t want to deal with it all.”

My heart sank

I would have been there

If I had only known

I would have been there through every chemo treatment

every relapse

everything.

I would have been there for you.

Then the door opens and you walk in

The girl I had known to be healthy with long blonde hair

was now a skinny, pale stranger with short brown hair

you walk with a gingerly step

the pain of the last chemo treatment still stinging inside

I see the toll the disease has taken on you

My dear friend

It breaks my heart to see you this way

I force a smile when I want to cry

I want to hold you

to drive the infection out of you

Oh how I wish I had those magical powers we thought we had all those years ago.

After our visit I leave with a hug and a smile knowing you are in high spirits

“It was so good to see you and I’ll call you tomorrow so we can hang out.”

Were my parting words.

I call the very next day eager to see you.

No answer.

My stomach is driven into my throat and a numbing feeling fills my body

I grab my keys and dash out the door

30 over the limit

racing to your side.

I arrive at your door

trying to hold my composure

I knock

Again your mother answers

But not as beautiful as before

puffy red eyes greet me with a river of tears flowing out the door

It hit me

reality

My knees hit the concrete

this can’t be happening.

My childhood friend who had just come back in my life

was taken away just as fast.

I promised I’d be there

through thick and thin

best friends forever.

I didn’t keep my promise.

I’m so very sorry.